social media – Her Caribbean Legal Musings

Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles caused a bit of a stir this week! I will probably NEVER have the opportunity to write anything remotely close to that opening sentence again, so carpe diem!

True or not, though— and I neither know of its veracity, nor trust Teary Terrance to inform me of same— it has brought to light a major issue that many have been ringing the alarm about since early 2020: why are we being censored about something that is supposedly apolitical? I will share some of my thoughts on the COVID-19 response and then share my vaccine experience.

COVID-19 restrictions have brought the world to its knees in most places. Government after government has imposed measures which have only increased in their austerity over time. It started off with social distancing and mask mandates and very rapidly devolved into lockdowns and states of emergency with suspended constititional rights and strict curfews in some countries. And to what end? Cases have skyrocketed, the virus has mutated more than thrice and there seems to be no light at the end of what was supposedly a tunnel in March 2020.

Initially, COVID-19 was thought to proliferate via large droplet spread. The information that it was actually spread through aerosols was suppressed, until one night, silently, WHO updated its website.

There was discussion that it spread from a market in Wuhan, China that sold bats as food…then there was mounting evidence that it was a lab leak…now we can’t talk about that without being called cooks.

We all hoped for a vaccine. At first, there was talk about immunity…then there was talk about “It doesn’t give you immunity, but it prevents severe symptoms!” and now, you mention a leaky vaccine and become a social pariah.

Hydroxychloroquine initially didn’t help and was not approved, then it did, then whenever you asked about it, it was as if you cursed somebody’s mother straight to her face.

This international COVID-19 response (with the exception of countries like Sweden, which is ironically atheist) is like a bad religion. State and international agencies have banded together to preach their doctrines of divide and conquor without any regard for truth, and in all the mêlée, hymns of “Trust the science!” and “Vaccinate to operate!” have been sung as offerings to the gods in heaven with no sign of rain. If ever there was a shining priesthood, it would be the media houses!

I am of the view that these restrictions have long ceased to be about public health, and have become a governmental experiment on how much oppression citizens would tolerate…at least here in T&T. I realise that by saying this, many will be upset with me or choose to shun me, but it is what it is. I am fed up of seeing people divided on what is supposed to be a unifying issue. I find it particularly annoying that many are treating their fellow citizens like lepers just for having questions about what the authorities say, especially when it pertains to their own health and well-being. And, while I am grateful that I know, with a fair degree of certainty, whose side most people would have been on in Nazi Germany or under Soviet communism, I can’t say that it isn’t disheartening to witness. I tried to shut up and just ignore it all until it blew over because I was getting depressed, but that attempt was a massive fail. I don’t have the personality for it. I really don’t.

As a budding bioethicist, I never thought that the pendulum would swing back in the direction that questioned whether individuals could have control over their own bodies. I thought that the Tuskegee experiments were enough of a smear on certain reputations to prevent such a reversion, but I was wrong. I have seen lawyers who have made careers talking about constructive dismissals pretending that mandates by employers could not possibly constitute constructive dismissals. Everyone seems eager to please the government and it is scary! While I may not be as erudite as these legal scholars, having just finished my studies, I know that concentration camps like Auschwitz and institutions like slavery were once bolstered by legality. We can make all the legal arguments we want, but legality does not necessarily translate into morality and ethics. Issues of health require us to operate according to basic principles of legitimacy…like bodily autonomy and parental responsibility for their own children. I’m too principled to make this an academic argument and I’ll never apologise for that. I am sorry for whoever is willing to do that. To be clear, here is where I stand:

1. Denying children socialisation and schooling for two years is child abuse.

2. Mandating that they will only regain normalcy if their parents let you put a substance into their bodies to help protect adults (this is not a disease that is particularly threatening to children) is child abuse.

3. Threatening people’s livelihoods after reducing their earnings for two years is governmental overstep.

4. Having weekly press conferences to disseminate whatever information you tailor to your own desires is propagandism.

5. Cursing and hissing at the populace that pays you, Honourable Mr. Prime Minister and Honourable Madame President, and showing contempt for regular people who are struggling to eat while your state salary has not stopped running is despotism.

6. Parading yourselves on social media after vaccination, and figuratively (though sometimes literally) spitting on citizens who have valid concerns about the vaccine makes you the modern equivalent of a gulag guard. It isn’t cute. It’s tacky.

7. As for the chambers of commerce calling for more lockdowns, your behaviour is exactly why anti-trust laws were developed. Everyone can see that you’re leveraging the governmental overstep to stamp out small businesses.

This nonsense must stop! Honest, uncensored conversations must be had about whatever concerns us all. Some do not need to be treated as if they are more equal than others!

Now for my vaccine experience…apologies in advance for this being T.M.I.

I took the Sinopharm two-dose vaccine in August because it was what was available when I went. My reasons for getting the vaccine shall remain private. I did not want to share my vaccine status because I think that it is nobody’s business, but I did take it, and I had side effects.

My period after my first dose came a staggering EIGHT DAYS EARLY and was much worse than I was accustomed to having…and I’ve grown accustomed to going through hell once per month!

On my first day, my cramps were so bad that I could not walk. I spent the day doubled over in bed, scarfing down NSAIDs and hoping for the best. My liver is probably still recovering. I typically would get milder pre-period cramps, but this time, I had none. Usually, my bad period cramps would start on the second day and would last two and a half days, but not this time.

My first day is also usually light, followed by two heavy days, one medium to light day and one very light day, but post-vaccine, on day one, I was running through pads and tampons like Elaine Thompson-Herah and Usain Bolt’s love child.

Never before had I ever leaked through a tampon, but in a record-breaking three hours, I leaked through two of them, switched to an overnight pad, and filled that to the brim in another hour.

My period blood, which is usually a dark crimson colour and a bit thicker, but not as thick as clots, was a bright vermillion, as if I had been cut open, and was a liquid consistency and not thick. I continued filling overnight pads and chugging diclofenac for four days straight (and there was breaktgrough pain despite overdosing on these) until on day five, I had moderate flow that was still crampy. On day 6, my period was gone.

I told the Dr. at my vaccination site (Wallerfield) what had happened when I returned for dose 2. He told me that a couple women had mentioned having the issue, but it didn’t seem to be permanent. How he knew that it was impermanent when he likely only saw them once (there were different doctors when I went for the two doses) is unclear to me.

I spoke with friends and with other women on the net. Most of them reported changes in their menstrual periods post-vaccine. For some, it came earlier. For others, it was later. Almost invariably, they had abnormally heavy and abnormally crampy periods post-vaccine…irrespective of the brand of vaccine they received (I spoke with AZ, Pfizer, J+J and Sinopharm recipients).

It does not seem that these reports are being taken seriously, and as a 26 year old woman who wants children in the near future, I cannot say that I am unconcerned about my prospects given this experience.

I was called an anti-vaxxer AFTER receiving the vaccine because I asked questions and dared to say that I was pro-choice about it. I’ve had people who did not know that I took the vaccine tell me that as an “anti-vaxxer”, if I die from not taking the vaccine, it would be what I deserved. I’ve seen people call for the culling of the unvaccinated and I’ve seen them celebrate people’s unfortunate deaths. I see no reason why my experience should be presumed to be different from anyone else who has raised questions or concerns. This is absolutely ridiculous and I never thought that I would see certain people embody this level of atrocity in my lifetime!

I have not yet had my period after dose 2. It is due today, and I already feel nauseated, crampy and sometimes, dizzy. My experience will be added here so that this portion of the blog post will be updated in due course.

UPDATE: My period came this morning 17/09/2021. It is heavy!!!!! I have cramps. I’ve had 4 diclofenac tablets already for the morning and I am still having breakthrough pain. I can walk though. Cramps aren’t as bad as last month, but still worse than my “normal”.

UPDATE: It is 18/09/2021 and I have EXTREMELY BAD cramps and my period is still heavier than usual. I took my diclofenac painkillers, but I am having breakthrough pain. The pain never fully stops. I can walk, but I have to stop intermittently to withatand the cramps which are terrible, which have me bent over and bracing myself against walls, cupboards or whatever else is in reach. My stomach is burning from the painkillers.

UPDATE: It is 10/01/2022. I did not get a period for December 2021. The last day of my last period was 12 November 2021. I presume that I ovulated, because my skin usually becomes glowy around ovulation and I look extra pretty. That happened around 25 November, 2021 for my bar call (lucky). I don’t know what is going on.

My PMS/PMDD for November into December 2021 was very strange. It started off with vertigo, an intense migraine with both a flashy visual aura and an auditory aura (this one was very scary, as I don’t recall ever having one), then a smaller migraine with just visual aura. I was in bed for three days, laying in the dark. After that, I had nausea and got cramps. Since then, I have vacillated between feeling sort of normal and feeling absolutely crappy, both physically and mentally. My skin has not been doing well. It has been very irritated. I feel bloated and I am getting bouts of depression. I am getting menstrual cramps intermittently, but still no period. My tracker says I am on day 63 of this cycle. I’m scared.

UPDATE: On Friday 18th February, 2022, my period kind of maybe sort of returned? Flow is light and is not red. It is brown and has been brown for three days so far. I’m not sure what to make of this. I have mild cramps, fatigue and mild nausea. It’s a step up from how I’ve been feeling since November with almost permanent PMS/PMDD symptoms. Hopefully, the worst part of this thing is over. I think going outside to garden has helped as I’ve gotten more sunlight. That’s anecdotal.

11/03/22 My period came yesterday. Was lightish snd brown. It seems to be picking up. I have normal flow today. Bad cramps but not as bad as the first cycle after vax. I am exhausted and low energy and sore.

12/03/22 So much for normam flow! I woke up in a pool of blood this morning. Bathed and stuff. Changed into a tampon from the pad I was wearing. Well, I leaked through that in 3 hours. And badly. My light grey panty is red. Like not exaggerating. WTF?

15/03/22 STILL going with cramps.

Given all that I am seeing, I am not at all going to be a coward about this. We are going back to basics. Repeat after me… “People’s bodies belong to them and them alone. Nobody has a right to make anyone else put any substance into his/her body without consent. Nobody has a right to silence discourse on any subject whatsoever. Everyone has a right to ask questions.”

This pandemic is about our fundamental rights! Wake up!

Well…it has been about one day since Trini Facebook was broken and now, it is nursing its wounds. In a viral post (screenshot below), one member of the red man association expressed frustration with the single mothers allegedly in his inbox. He had had enough and the day of reckoning was upon the beggars and their handicaps! Although I am of the view that too much has been said through comments and reposts, and although the original post has since been removed, I have a nagging desire to give my two cents on the matter. This is, after all, a blog about law, economics and Caribbean culture. And, this is culture! Besides, what else am I supposed to do in this lockdown?

To get it out of the way, it is objectively true that single mothers are at a disadvantage on the dating and marriage market. Men generally do not want to raise other men’s children. Hell, some men *cough black men cough* don’t even want to raise their own children. Don’t shoot the messenger because she’s having a bit of fun speaking the truth! That’s a discussion for another day and it is what it is. Bottom line is, the core idea of the post is true and Stevie Wonder could see that…

Nevertheless, I do take issue with the delivery. You see, there is a certain level of elegance that I expect of supposedly decent folk while they are in public, and this fell way below that standard. You can be right and be an a-hole (he accurately described himself as such), or you can be right while maintaining tact. As someone prone to bluntness who has had to rein it in to maintain healthier human interactions, I would know. Using the word handicap to describe a prospective mate’s children can be technically correct, but it is bound to leave a bad taste in people’s mouths. He was at liberty to make his statement, but I’m not at all surprised by people’s reactions. Some things are better if kept in one’s head instead of letting them roll off one’s tongue.

Nothing prevented the poster from exercising his agency in dating privately, but he made his PSA on Facebook…publicly…and THAT is where I think the juicy point can be made. Why did he do this? Was he really so frustrated that he had to? Were there so many unsavoury women in his inbox that making a public statement was rendered necessary? I think not and I must scrutinize the post!

The allegation was that there were “all these baby mommas” in his inbox. I find this improbable. On average, men do the asking and not women. Single mothers also tend to have a lot on their plates given that they have whole other humans for whom they are responsible. That many within this cohort had the time to be in his inbox seems highly unlikely to me. It may be true, but I find it difficult to believe.

The second allegation was that they were “demanding things which single, childless women do not demand”. I’m not sure whom he has been dealing with, but most women would not ask for things from men unless they have had some encouragement from those men. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I don’t know one woman who would do this without there first being some sort of rapport between herself and the man, and without gauging the probable outcome of making such a request and concluding that more likely than not, it would be positive.

Long story short, I think he made the post to get attention. He likely was trying to make it seem like he was in high demand so that some woman whom he was interested in would consider him a better prospect.

Well…attention he got! Single mothers (and some others) swarmed in to scold him! One does not just pelt a jep’s nest! Many, quite ironically, proved his point by not being aware that they were at a dating disadvantage… But, people were also noting his arrogance. I felt for him, but was VERY entertained, especially since the post had been shared early yesterday by a friend, and I paid it no mind. I took a nap and woke up to memes! Someone needs to apologise to Mouttxt on behalf of Trinbago!

The part of the original post which I found most fascinating, however, was “you are coming to me as a beggar, not a chooser”. It reeked of so much condescension that it made me want to investigate further. Then, I found the gem below…

In his experience, women around his age (in their late 20s) are not interested in him. He also finds that older women with children, and younger women with no emotional intelligence are the ones available to him. The former expect him to be step-daddy from the jump. The latter cannot offer him the support he needs.

I was curious about whether this point on interest/availability was universally true since people tend to date, mate and marry within their age brackets, give or take four to five years in either direction. On average, women prefer men slightly older than them, who have some resources available, but not older by much. Naturally, I asked some (about 20) men, either in their late 20s or older now, but young enough to remember. It was comprised of mostly Trinis of various ethnicities and one white Brit. This was maccoing, not science, and I was that bored, so forgive me!

Only three of the men said that in their late twenties/early thirties, women their age weren’t interested in them. One admitted it was because he had no money. One said that the only woman around his age whom he had dated had a child, but that he mostly had younger women available. I know he also has no money (but he did not say that, so you didn’t hear it from me). The third said that he found that it was mostly slightly older Indian women whom were available, but he never took the bait. His now ex wife is a slightly younger Indian woman who was 28 when they married. He was 31 at that time.

The other Trinis said that younger women and women around their age were available and interested, and that none of the women were single mothers. The Brit said all ages were available and expressed interest, and none with children.

As is typical of women, I will jump to a conclusion. It’s more of a hypothesis than a conclusion, but after reading the posts I’ve shared together, and after browsing the poster’s public posts, I have a theory. Maybe it is not the children of single mothers that are the his primary handicap!

He seems to view himself as some sort of prize. To be fair, successful, childless black men are quite scarce, so that may be adding to his ego…but it takes some audacity to make a whole public facebook post expressing contempt for a cohort of women instead of simply exercising one’s agency and not dating them.

My hunch is that it is a combination of his arrogant personality, proclivity for emotional, attention-seeking, self-indulgent and self-aggrandizing facebook posts (which is feminine) and his overestimation of his own value that causes women within his age bracket to avoid him. I am childless and within his age bracket. I would avoid him like people avoid stopping on the Beetham stretch.

I think that any single mothers in his inbox requesting things are there on invitation, because it is not likely that women are chasing a man, and it is especially unlikely that they are requesting things from him unprovoked. I wait to be corrected.

I would like to thank the poster for bringing some much needed stimulation to an otherwise humdrum lockdown period. Yesterday would have been just another June Tuesday had he not offered himself as tribute. Instead, he gave me something to pretend to analyse. For that I am grateful. He’s at least good for one thing… Laughs! I laughed heartily.